Isn't it funny how it's so much easier to focus on the external things that seem to be keeping us from accomplishing our tasks than it is to focus and control our own self. Many times we get stuck looking at what is holding us back rather than zeroing in on the things that we can control and change about our situation.
In this case, I finally get to a Starbucks with the intention of writing side by side with Kerri and this piece of God's creation walks up with his Venti, opens his laptop and promptly proceeds to watch videos sans headphones. Hmm.
This dude, his laptop and his large coffee are all really out of my control. I guess it's a free country. If he wants to hold a business meeting or watch a video in Starbucks he can. I'll try not to judge...too much...but I will post his pic. :)
This could go many ways...a post about confronting strangers...but let's stick with the lessons that I can learn. We each have expectations. These expectations make life exciting, rich, full and sometimes frustrating. Very frustrating when real life doesn't quite match our internal expectations.
Today my expectation was to work in peace without distraction. The kids are at school. We purposely got away from the house so the dishes in the sink and other undone tasks at home didn't fight for our attention, etc.
Truth be told, expectations, more specifically unmet expectations are one of the greatest sources of conflict in marriage. Not because they are bad but because we often don't do much in the way of communicating them to our spouses. I made a t-shirt once that says, "Mind reading sucks. - Just say what you need!" (if you want one let me know...)
But back to the real lesson. I can let this guy steal my mojo or I can put on headphones and get to work addressing my own issues of which there are many. Truthfully getting around to writing this blog has been very difficult for me. We have this dream to create a new platform where we can positively impact marriages, yet it's very easy to focus on the headwinds, the obstacles, the difficulties, the problems.
I have a couple in mind that I have been working with where the husband has been obsessed with getting one of her relatives out of their house. He has made it clear that if this would happen their marriage would improve. Sadly during this entire time he has done woefully little to actually improve his marriage (doing things that were in his control) because of his fixation on this area that he wasn't in control over. Now the relative has moved out and the truth is about to be revealed...
So just remember if you find yourself fixated on things that are out of your control rather than zeroing in on what you can control in your marriage you will feel immensely frustrated and defeated. If you know your partner needs physical touch, affection, intimate conversation. Stop making excuses and go give them a hug, write a note, contact a baby sitter, etc.